Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
