DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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