you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
