I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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