The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
