You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
