So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
