So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
