So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
