so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
