I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
They are going to name an STD after you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
