Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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