i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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