You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize