yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
