he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
