your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize