one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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