Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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