how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
