on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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