Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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