can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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