She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
