i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
