around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
