You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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