Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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