In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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