I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
