What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
