I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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