you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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