John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Couch. On fire.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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