Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
