You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
