i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
