She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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