She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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