I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
