Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
