Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
