There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
