Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
