i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize