no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
