I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
