I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
