Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
