I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
