for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
