dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
