3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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