this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
