So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
