I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
