Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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