You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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