Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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