a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
