I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do herpes really smell.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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