yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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