I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
