Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
