Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
