He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
