I'd wear matching sweaters with you
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
