I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
