cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
