none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
