He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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