So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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