she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
