And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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